Is it so difficult to understand?
Friday, September 5, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Fly Away Peter Fly Away Paul, Never by Peter for He'l Only Crawl
If you're in Delhi some day and want to take a morning flight to Bangalore, I suggest advise that you refuse Jetlite even if they offer to fly you for free.
Flight S2-321 just might offer you a free ticket... word would have spread from the 200 + passengers on board that day, affecting the flight's traffic.
Incompetent and inefficient cabin crew, irresponsible flight crew, and worthless ground crew!
Let me ask you...
What flight in the country, scheduled to depart at 7:10 am ,finishes boarding at 6:30 am and then proceeds to make the passengers wait inside the craft till 8:40 am, with the Air Conditioning switched off?
Sahi jawaab: Jetlite S2-321 Delhi-Bangalore-Coimbatore, 13th August 2008.
Which flight announces that it will 'serve' a complimentary bottle of water to all passengers and then proceeds to threaten them to pay up, muttering something about 'other passengers having taken your complimentary bottle, sir' while the cabin crew was, doing what,applying the right shade of mascara?
Sahi jawaab: Jetlite S2-321 Delhi-Bangalore-Coimbatore, 13th August 2008.
What flight employs crew that provokes already-harassed passengers into picking up fights and then prompts to 'throw them out'? (Bad english, bad etiquettes, bad management.Whichever institute Jetlite recruits from, tsk tsk! )
Sahi jawaab: Jetlite S2-321 Delhi-Bangalore-Coimbatore, 13th August 2008.
Which flight is managed by pilots who say nothing about the 'correct flying time' till an hour of chaotic and murderous waiting and then casually inform that there will be another 5 minutes delay due to air traffic and proceeds to fly after 25 minutes?
Sahi jawaab: Jetlite S2-321 Delhi-Bangalore-Coimbatore, 13th August 2008.
Yeah yeah, I know. It could have been a bad day for most of the crew. But having paid more than 5 grands for a ticket each, passengers expect the most basic of courtesy from the crew, i.e. information! Or I want my money back. Have to pay dad for the tickets.
Oh yeah, I took an Indigo while returning.
Better,Definitely better!
Incompetent and inefficient cabin crew, irresponsible flight crew, and worthless ground crew!
Let me ask you...
What flight in the country, scheduled to depart at 7:10 am ,finishes boarding at 6:30 am and then proceeds to make the passengers wait inside the craft till 8:40 am, with the Air Conditioning switched off?
Sahi jawaab: Jetlite S2-321 Delhi-Bangalore-Coimbatore, 13th August 2008.
Which flight announces that it will 'serve' a complimentary bottle of water to all passengers and then proceeds to threaten them to pay up, muttering something about 'other passengers having taken your complimentary bottle, sir' while the cabin crew was, doing what,applying the right shade of mascara?
Sahi jawaab: Jetlite S2-321 Delhi-Bangalore-Coimbatore, 13th August 2008.
What flight employs crew that provokes already-harassed passengers into picking up fights and then prompts to 'throw them out'? (Bad english, bad etiquettes, bad management.Whichever institute Jetlite recruits from, tsk tsk! )
Sahi jawaab: Jetlite S2-321 Delhi-Bangalore-Coimbatore, 13th August 2008.
Which flight is managed by pilots who say nothing about the 'correct flying time' till an hour of chaotic and murderous waiting and then casually inform that there will be another 5 minutes delay due to air traffic and proceeds to fly after 25 minutes?
Sahi jawaab: Jetlite S2-321 Delhi-Bangalore-Coimbatore, 13th August 2008.
Yeah yeah, I know. It could have been a bad day for most of the crew. But having paid more than 5 grands for a ticket each, passengers expect the most basic of courtesy from the crew, i.e. information! Or I want my money back. Have to pay dad for the tickets.
Oh yeah, I took an Indigo while returning.
Better,Definitely better!
Deja Vu, Anyone?
Have you read The Devil Wears Prada?
Did you gasp,"Yes! this has happened with me" while reading about the life at Runway?
No?
The Gucci and Seven clothes on exhibit?
No?
Size zero becoming a new religion with you being the only athiest around?
No?
Bang & Olufsen cell phones looking down upon your nokia, which, till a month back was the" coolest phone ever"?
No?
Stilettoes and accents, fake concerns and antidepressants?
No?
Not even at the phrase,'Boss from Hell' ? Impossible & demeaning demands, incompetent & capricious interruptions?
No?
I wanted to know how it feels to say "F*%$ You" to a Miranda Priestly.
No precedent?
Damn!
Did you gasp,"Yes! this has happened with me" while reading about the life at Runway?
No?
The Gucci and Seven clothes on exhibit?
No?
Size zero becoming a new religion with you being the only athiest around?
No?
Bang & Olufsen cell phones looking down upon your nokia, which, till a month back was the" coolest phone ever"?
No?
Stilettoes and accents, fake concerns and antidepressants?
No?
Not even at the phrase,'Boss from Hell' ? Impossible & demeaning demands, incompetent & capricious interruptions?
No?
I wanted to know how it feels to say "F*%$ You" to a Miranda Priestly.
No precedent?
Damn!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Urban Updates
Trin trin
Moron : XYZ Hardware
M : Bhaiya I'm calling from __, we have a small drilling job at our place. Can you send a carpenter over?
Moron: 250 bucks
M : Excuse me?
Moron: 2.5.0 b.u.c.k.s
M : To drill a couple of nails in the wall?
Moron: No ma'am. Drilling cost ekshtra.
250 bucks Carpenter Consulting Charges. Standard rate. No discount.
Moron : XYZ Hardware
M : Bhaiya I'm calling from __, we have a small drilling job at our place. Can you send a carpenter over?
Moron: 250 bucks
M : Excuse me?
Moron: 2.5.0 b.u.c.k.s
M : To drill a couple of nails in the wall?
Moron: No ma'am. Drilling cost ekshtra.
250 bucks Carpenter Consulting Charges. Standard rate. No discount.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
The Mystery of the Clackety Clack Car
Dancy Nrew was enjoying a cool autumn Sunday morning with her father, attorney Darson Crew in the family's two-storied house in Hiver Reights. Dancy had decided to cook breakfast that day, allowing their housekeeper, Gannah Hruen a day of rest. Mr. Darson was sampling the omelette while going through the Hiver Reights Times.
"Ah, what a lovely day", exclaimed Dancy, " I think I will take the car out for a spin today."
Darson looked up from the business section and nodded his affirmation," Don't forget to shop for groceries. The larder's empty", he added as he picked up his bag and coat. "I have a meeting with some clients today. Should be back by evening."
"Sure dad. Have a great day", smiled Dancy as she removed the plates from the table.
And then something whizzed past her, making her almost lose her balance and drop the plates.
"What was that", gasped Dancy, turning pale. "Dad, there is someone in the house. I felt something zoom past me and dash into the bedroom", she cried out while trying to regain her poise.
Darson, always on the alert, dropped his case and hurried into the room, snatching the thick walking stick from the stand and scanned every nook and corner.
Dancy saw an orange ball scrambling across the room as Darson looked up laughing,"There you go. The culprit.A vagabond cat". "Gee dad", Dancy heaved a sigh of relief, " For a moment I thought it was the beginning of a new mystery".
Darson rolled his eyes, collected his things from the floor and walked out," Keep the door closed if you don't want the cat to make this place its new home. I'm sure it'll sit outside and meow miserably, calling out to be let in"!
Dancy closed the door and ran upstairs to get ready. "Well", she though out loud," no way I can let a cat into the house. Gannah will flip out."
She emerged out of the house a few minutes later, looking around happily and breathing in the cool, fresh air.
And there it was, its orange fur flying in the breeze, looking up at her quizzically as if admonishing her for taking so long.
"Oh no you don't", Dancy chided, "you definitely will not be let in."
" I have to take the car out, so you go find yourself another home ", she added while throwing her purse in her blue mustang.
Dancy walked around to open the front yard gate, thinking about the things she needed to buy at the super mart. She came back to the car and was relieved to find that the cat had disappeared. " Good. Now I know cats listen to me!", she laughed as she started the car and backed out .
She had almost crossed the lane when the car made a weird sound . "Funny", she frowned, " I got the bumper fixed last week. Wonder what's troubling the car now".
The sound became louder as she picked up speed on the main road.
"Oh! Will have to send it for servicing again. These mechanics are useless".
The weird noises continued till she parked near the super mart and Dancy decided to visit the Car Servicing Garage that afternoon itself. She spent the next couple of hours buying things for the house, and by the time she returned to the car, she had forgotten about the problem.She even smiled cheerfully at the lady in the next car.
The lady, who was about to back out of the parking lot, scowled and rolled down her window. " What a nasty girl you are. No manners, you thoughless creature.How can you be so cruel", she bellowed before screeching away .
"Whoa", Dancy was perplexed," I only smiled. Old ladies I tell you!" She shifted the grocery bags to one hand and fumbled with the car keys, "Bonkers, I tell you!"
Clang Whiz Crash Bang Boom
Ouch!
A number of things happened at once as she opened the car door.
The weird, loud noise started again, as if somebody had fired a gun on a quiet afternoon. And then something orange jumped into her already laden arms, hurting her and this time startling her into losing her grip on the bags.
"Oh dear, not again", Dancy wheezed,gasping for breath as the plump, orange cat, annoyed at being locked inside a car for over two hours, scratched the girl some more, before darting up the nearest wall.
"So THAT was what the clacking was all about. The cat got inside the car. No wonder the lady was fuming. She must have thought I was being inhuman to the animal."
Dancy wrapped her scratched arm in a scarf and picked up the bags to check the damage.
"But how did the clever thing get inside"
**************************************
PS: Excerpt from Dancy Nrew, ace detective's diary two days after the event:
The car has been stinking since day before! I do wonder why!
"Ah, what a lovely day", exclaimed Dancy, " I think I will take the car out for a spin today."
Darson looked up from the business section and nodded his affirmation," Don't forget to shop for groceries. The larder's empty", he added as he picked up his bag and coat. "I have a meeting with some clients today. Should be back by evening."
"Sure dad. Have a great day", smiled Dancy as she removed the plates from the table.
And then something whizzed past her, making her almost lose her balance and drop the plates.
"What was that", gasped Dancy, turning pale. "Dad, there is someone in the house. I felt something zoom past me and dash into the bedroom", she cried out while trying to regain her poise.
Darson, always on the alert, dropped his case and hurried into the room, snatching the thick walking stick from the stand and scanned every nook and corner.
Dancy saw an orange ball scrambling across the room as Darson looked up laughing,"There you go. The culprit.A vagabond cat". "Gee dad", Dancy heaved a sigh of relief, " For a moment I thought it was the beginning of a new mystery".
Darson rolled his eyes, collected his things from the floor and walked out," Keep the door closed if you don't want the cat to make this place its new home. I'm sure it'll sit outside and meow miserably, calling out to be let in"!
Dancy closed the door and ran upstairs to get ready. "Well", she though out loud," no way I can let a cat into the house. Gannah will flip out."
She emerged out of the house a few minutes later, looking around happily and breathing in the cool, fresh air.
And there it was, its orange fur flying in the breeze, looking up at her quizzically as if admonishing her for taking so long.
"Oh no you don't", Dancy chided, "you definitely will not be let in."
" I have to take the car out, so you go find yourself another home ", she added while throwing her purse in her blue mustang.
Dancy walked around to open the front yard gate, thinking about the things she needed to buy at the super mart. She came back to the car and was relieved to find that the cat had disappeared. " Good. Now I know cats listen to me!", she laughed as she started the car and backed out .
She had almost crossed the lane when the car made a weird sound . "Funny", she frowned, " I got the bumper fixed last week. Wonder what's troubling the car now".
The sound became louder as she picked up speed on the main road.
"Oh! Will have to send it for servicing again. These mechanics are useless".
The weird noises continued till she parked near the super mart and Dancy decided to visit the Car Servicing Garage that afternoon itself. She spent the next couple of hours buying things for the house, and by the time she returned to the car, she had forgotten about the problem.She even smiled cheerfully at the lady in the next car.
The lady, who was about to back out of the parking lot, scowled and rolled down her window. " What a nasty girl you are. No manners, you thoughless creature.How can you be so cruel", she bellowed before screeching away .
"Whoa", Dancy was perplexed," I only smiled. Old ladies I tell you!" She shifted the grocery bags to one hand and fumbled with the car keys, "Bonkers, I tell you!"
Clang Whiz Crash Bang Boom
Ouch!
A number of things happened at once as she opened the car door.
The weird, loud noise started again, as if somebody had fired a gun on a quiet afternoon. And then something orange jumped into her already laden arms, hurting her and this time startling her into losing her grip on the bags.
"Oh dear, not again", Dancy wheezed,gasping for breath as the plump, orange cat, annoyed at being locked inside a car for over two hours, scratched the girl some more, before darting up the nearest wall.
"So THAT was what the clacking was all about. The cat got inside the car. No wonder the lady was fuming. She must have thought I was being inhuman to the animal."
Dancy wrapped her scratched arm in a scarf and picked up the bags to check the damage.
"But how did the clever thing get inside"
**************************************
PS: Excerpt from Dancy Nrew, ace detective's diary two days after the event:
The car has been stinking since day before! I do wonder why!
Monday, August 4, 2008
"There Are Some Things Money Can't Buy. For Everything Else ..."
Plastic Car Number Plates ...Rs. 150/-
Metal Plates with Golden binder Rs. 200/-
Listening to your friend rant about losing two number plates in a fortnight...PricelessConcept courtesy : Mastercard
Photos courtesy :Google Images.
Idea & Subject(Guinea Pig): A
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
WHEN THE TIGER COMES, FREEZE. No, SNEEZE . No, TEASE. Oh no, SQUEEZE !
Day 1: A saw M at the super mart with M's boyfriend and asked M next day if he was her beau.
"Yes, he is", replied M truthfully, not aware of the wildfire she was kindling.
Day 2: A told B, "M has a boyfriend in the same city, convenient, no"
Day 3: B told C: "A told me something about M. M has one convenient boyfriend in the city. Wow!"
Day 3: D to C: " I was talking to the new girl, M. She has traveled a lot. Has stayed in many cities...."
Day 3: C to D: "This M, wonder what kind of girl she is. B told me she has one boyfriend in every city. Oh My God!"
Day 3: D to E: "Do you know M. I just found out she's extremely interested in guys. Has multiple boyfriends...wonder how she manages them all"
E to D: "Hah, wonder which one she sleeps with"
D to E: " Ofcourse the Gurgaon one. Probably the Delhi one on weekends. Oh ha ha ha "
Day 4: E to F: " Do you know M sleeps with her boyfriend "
Day 5: F to G: "psst psst...heard the latest...the new girl M,she's living with her boyfriend."
Day 5: G to M: "Hey lady. Just heard something about you .Is it true you ..."
Weekend made!
Scandalized for nothing...are you listening, M & Beau?
And oh,
Chinese Whispers was DEFINITELY invented by a lady!
And yes,of course A to G were females!
"Yes, he is", replied M truthfully, not aware of the wildfire she was kindling.
Day 2: A told B, "M has a boyfriend in the same city, convenient, no"
Day 3: B told C: "A told me something about M. M has one convenient boyfriend in the city. Wow!"
Day 3: D to C: " I was talking to the new girl, M. She has traveled a lot. Has stayed in many cities...."
Day 3: C to D: "This M, wonder what kind of girl she is. B told me she has one boyfriend in every city. Oh My God!"
Day 3: D to E: "Do you know M. I just found out she's extremely interested in guys. Has multiple boyfriends...wonder how she manages them all"
E to D: "Hah, wonder which one she sleeps with"
D to E: " Ofcourse the Gurgaon one. Probably the Delhi one on weekends. Oh ha ha ha "
Day 4: E to F: " Do you know M sleeps with her boyfriend "
Day 5: F to G: "psst psst...heard the latest...the new girl M,she's living with her boyfriend."
Day 5: G to M: "Hey lady. Just heard something about you .Is it true you ..."
Weekend made!
Scandalized for nothing...are you listening, M & Beau?
And oh,
Chinese Whispers was DEFINITELY invented by a lady!
And yes,of course A to G were females!
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